


Everything You Mean to Me

by Splashy



Series: Songfics [4]
Category: Wicked - All Media Types, Wicked - Schwartz/Holzman
Genre: Angst, F/F, it's just angst, yeah there's really no way around it there is No Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 10:44:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18602920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Splashy/pseuds/Splashy
Summary: Glinda misses Elphaba, more than she thought she ever would. She just hopes she's still out there. Alive.And if not...at least she still has her memory.





	Everything You Mean to Me

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry
> 
> based on the song in case you don't live forever by ben platt

Glinda leaned out the window, her arms perched on the windowsill. She stared out into the night sky, staring west. When she was given this place, she made sure her bedroom had a window that faced west. The words of Elphaba as she was leaving always rang clear in her mind.

She went to the west. She was out there, somewhere. And Oz only knows what was happening. The only reason Glinda even knew Elphaba was alive was the rumors spread throughout Oz. The rumors she helped spread. 

Every day, she went out before the crowd of those in the Emerald City and spoke to them. She told them about what Elphaba had done. Glinda didn’t know if it was something she had actually done or not. She just said whatever the Wizard or Morrible told her to say. She told them that one day, Elphaba would be caught. She’d be killed for all the crimes she’d committed against Oz, against the people. And they’d all rejoice when that day came. 

Glinda was tired of it, so tired. She said everyone would rejoice, but that wasn’t true. There was one person who wouldn’t rejoice. Two, maybe. She was sure Fiyero wouldn’t rejoice. He’d become captain of the guards to find her. He probably wanted to see Elphaba as desperately as Glinda did. 

No, not as desperately. Nobody wanted to see Elphaba as much as Glinda did. For her, it was an ache. An ache in her heart that never left her. It remained, burning a hole in her heart. She’d give _anything_ for the chance to see Elphaba again. But she didn’t know if that chance would come.

She loved Elphaba. Oh, how she loved her. Loves. She still loves her. She’s not sure if she ever stopped loving her.

_I’ve waited way too long to say  
Everything you mean to me_

They never told the other “I love you.” Glinda never told Elphaba. Elphaba never told her. It was always implied, but there’s a difference between actually saying it and just assuming it. 

She regrets never telling Elphaba she loves her. Maybe if she had actually said it, even just once, things would be different. Maybe Elphaba wouldn’t have left her. Maybe she’d have gone back to Shiz with her, and they’d continue their years together, and everything would be fine. She’d have Elphaba. She’d have everything she wants, and not everything she once thought she wanted.

Or maybe she would have gone with Elphaba. Hopped on the back of that broom and they’d go flying off, together. She’d be with Elphaba now. She’d know if Elphaba was safe or in danger, and could help her rather than spread these rumors and lies about the girl she loves. 

Glinda wishes she knew whether or not Elphaba actually does love her. If she did love her, then why did she leave? Did she not care for Glinda? Did she not feel like Glinda was good enough?

She wasn’t even sure if she _was_ good enough for Elphaba. Elphaba deserved the world. She’d suffered through so much, and even then, she kept her fiery personality and her passion. She never backed down.

Which was something that scared Glinda now. What if Elphaba went too far, and got herself injured? Or worse, what if...what if she died? How would Glinda find out? Could she trust the Wizard or Morrible to tell her the green girl had died?

No, she couldn’t trust them. Of course not. Besides, she’d know right away when Elphaba had died, because all of Oz would be celebrating.

With a sigh, she closed her eyes. Dark spots appeared on the windowsill as tears left. After a moment, she composed herself and looked back up.

“Oh, Elphaba. What have you done?”

_In case you don’t live forever, let me tell you now  
I love you more than you’ll ever wrap your head around_

Glinda rests her head on her palm, still looking out westward into the night sky. The candle she lit next to her was starting to flicker slightly. She paid it little attention.

Was Elphaba out there somewhere? Was she nearby? What if she was watching her, right now?

She had no idea of the answers to any of those questions. But if Elphaba _was_ there, she had a few things she wanted to say to her.

But she couldn’t bring herself to actually say them. So she just thought them instead. Maybe it’d hurt less that way.

She didn’t know how long Elphaba would live. Each day, it seems she was brought closer and closer to being captured, to being killed. And Glinda couldn’t stand it. She had so much she still needed to tell Elphaba. 

One such thing being that she loved her.

But not just that she loved her. She loved her, undoubtedly, but the extent of her love...She loved her perhaps more than Elphaba knew. More than she could comprehend, even. It consumed her, filling her with this feeling that wouldn’t go away. It burned, but it was ever present. Glinda thought she would become numb to the feeling, that it would fade, but as every second passed by that she wasn’t in Elphaba’s presence, it only grew. 

She wished, with all her heart, that she could just tell Elphaba she loved her. But she didn’t know if she’d get the chance.

So she’d whisper it out to the air. Maybe Elphaba would hear her.

“I love you, Elphaba. More than you could possibly know.”

_In case you don’t live forever, let me tell you the truth  
I’m everything that I am because of you_

Glinda is who she is today because of Elphaba.

There’s really no way around it. It’s true. If Glinda hadn’t meant Elphaba, she’d be so much different.

And a part of her, a selfish, horrible part of her, wonders if it would be better if she hadn’t met Elphaba. Or if she still loathed her.

If she still loathed Elphaba, maybe the pain of their separation wouldn’t be so bad. She’d have what she once wanted. A wonderful husband, a good title. Popularity, without the sting of regret.

But if she still loathed Elphaba, she wouldn’t have the feeling of loving Elphaba. Because while it hurts, it was also the best thing to ever happen to her.

She wouldn’t be who she is now. And that thought hurt even more.

Because Glinda knew Elphaba, she’s been changed. For good. They’ve helped each other grow and shape each other into who they are now.

Glinda, a spokesperson for the Wizard and Morrible, spreading lies and slander about someone she loves.

And Elphaba, someone who sacrifices her life in the unlikely chance it would actually _mean_ something.

Even so, she still believes she’s been changed for good. If she was with Elphaba now, if they were in each other’s presence, she’d probably say stupid metaphors about how she’s been changed because they’ve met. 

_I'm pretty sure it would kill me  
If you didn't know the pieces of me are pieces of you_

Slowly, she began to stand properly by the windowsill, rather than leaning on it. It was starting to get a little chilly, and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could stand there. She picked up the candle, but only for a moment. She hesitated, and then set it back down. She’d leave it burning, and she’d leave the window open. Just in case.

Just in case of what exactly, she didn’t know.

As she got ready for bed, her mind continued to wander. Throughout her days of being here, speaking to the citizens of Oz, she’s noticed a few things. A few things she usually only noticed in Elphaba. 

For example, Elphaba was always headstrong and stubborn. That was a quality that, while annoying at times, Glinda had always admired about Elphaba. She never backed down and always stood her ground. While they were at Shiz, Glinda wished she could be more like that.

And here, she partially is. Not as much as Elphaba - no one could be more stubborn than her, she was sure of it - but more than she was before. 

With each day, she stood up a little bit more to Morrible. It wasn’t enough to truly make a difference, but it was something. Morrible would tell her to do one thing, and she’d refuse. It was only for small things, little errands that a guard could easily run. But it was something. It was progress.

And right now, progress was exactly what she needed. 

So while things weren’t ideal, maybe one day, they would be.

So until then, she just had to hold out.

**Author's Note:**

> update: because of SOMEONE, elphaba is indeed officially dead


End file.
